the horror . . . the uncertainty . . . the changes. welcome to adulthood world. owe the carefree days when we played. I feel like the whole world is walking around listening to radiohead in a semi catatonic state, not quite ready to except. i still can't believe.

I have been neglecting to write, and now i'm stuck playing catch up. It's too bad because the past two weeks have been incredibly high and low and now my feelings are all mixed together doing neither one justice. I made my first trip out to la playa for burning man. I didn't know what to expect and was a bit apprehensive when we drove into a white out of fine powdered dust upon arriving. I could think of better places to camp for four days. However I had an unbelievably fun time.

It's like no place on earth and you are reminded of that constantly. People let it all hang out, and each night was a little bit wilder building to the burn. The final night we were lucky enough to climb aboard an art car that could have belonged to jabba the hut. It could fit about 50 or more and had been transformed into a land yacht with railings around the deck and a bar in the middle. When we danced the whole thing rocked, and then we pulled away from the esplanade and took and hour and a half cruise through the deep desert. It was a pleasure cruise in every sense. we drifted by art pieces you would never have seen eventually stopping at a bar made out of a giant pair of dice. One look and we were back to the boat . . . how could you leave the best thing that had come along all weekend. I absolutely loved it, and it feels to surreal, as if a dream. nowhere else.

i could go on and on and i wish i had while i was still glowing from this experience. however, tragedy stricked shortly after my return. I felt a bit strange returning to the daily routine of work and sf, but things soon got worse. Brian Edwards called me at work to let me know that Peter had died.




We met peter in fiji and spent quality time surfing, talking, and getting to know him. He had been dating Brian's sister, cris, and they were a beautiful match. She is the best and they were on top of the world. Since we left they had spent time in New Zealand together and he had returned to fiji to be with her.

He is a very experienced diver and swimmer, and he was at home in the pool practicing breathing techniques and holding his breath. Something must have gone wrong and he passed out then drowned. I didn't ask brian all of the details, but simply told him how sorry i was . . . how much i grieved at such a tragic loss. Brian and his father Roger flew to fiji then to New Zealand to be with cris and Peter's family at the funeral. He was such kind, warm, intelligent soul and will be missed.
My heart goes out to cris. i love her and can't stand to think of her in such pain. my thoughts are with her.